My mom always used to say that it wasn't when we were making noise that she got nervous, it was when we were quiet that she became concerned because it indicated some sort of conspiring. This morning I felt the same way. You weren't moving around that much and I was like well wtf Sam... But, I've just eaten lunch and judging by your kicks to my bladder, you like Chef Boyardee.
In the theme of the title I'm going to review some of the things that my parents and grandparents have told me that I feel will be passed down to you for your knowledge....
Credit to: Dziadzia (Jah-Gee) Polish for grandpa. You would have called him Dziadek (Jah-deck) because thats more formal.
"They all have to take their pants down to take a crap"
Lesson: All humans are created equal despite what some of them will try and have you think. Just because someone is in a position of authority doesn't mean that they're infallible and can't make mistakes. This can be taken one of two ways. The first being just because someone is an authority doesn't mean that they can't be wrong. Second, everyone makes mistakes so when you're that person of authority, remember that and don't be a jerk to people. Having a title doesn't exempt you from all of the things that come along
with being a human on this earth, including bathroom practices. While you should show respect for someone for their profession, you certainly don't have to take everything they say at face value either. I have a feeling this is a moot point and you'll come out of the womb questioning the doctor.
For an old Polish Catholic Dziadzia was pretty progressive. He had no judgements towards other people until they did something to warrant his judgement. And even then, he knew that how he felt was just that, his feelings - no one else's. This is a good lesson, just because one person or people feel a certain way, doesn't mean you need to.
Credit to: Mom/Dorothy/Ma/Seriously?. You will be calling her Babka. (Bob-kuh)
"If you can't say something nice....." (the follow up was "dont say anything at all, but she said it so many freaking times that we checked out by the middle of the sentence).
Lesson: My mom never saw the irony in quoting a movie in which the mother was shot in the opening scene....The lesson here is that there's little point in talking poorly about other people unless you're willing to say it to their face, in which case it can be argued that you are being nice, or at least trying anyway. Plus, a lot of the times other people will take care of saying the un-nice things so you don't have to. Better to let them take the heat and be seen as a nice person rather than go around pointing out the truth to everyone and be known as, "that guy". No one wants to be friends with, "that guy".
In this age of electronic communication and pretty much nothing being private (thanks, NSA) never assume anything that you write or say won't be sent out into the internet world beyond. Actually, its probably best practice to assume that it is, and then be delightfully surprised when/if it isn't. You're going to want to trust me on this one. And so help me god Sam, if you get into that lame ass "sexting" or get girls to send you pictures of whatever, there will be hell to pay, son. See my last post to you if you want to understand how creative I will get in thinking of how to make you learn from that.
Credit to: Dad. You will be calling him, Pappy. (No pronunciation key needed).
" "
Lesson: Sometimes what you should have said, was nothing. My dad, for his many unstated reasons, knew and appreciated the value of saying nothing. It's not that he was mute or didn't communicate. The man just has a presence where he doesn't need to use words all the time. A lot of the times my mom felt the need to fill in for him as some sort of National Geographic narrator, but the man himself saved the spoken word for when he really wanted to be heard. There's a reason why we have two ears and one mouth. You should be listening twice as much as you are speaking. If this is not the case, you talk too much.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Our little talk this morning....
I hope you know Sam, that I meant every word I said on the way to work this morning.
To give some background....
I was listening to Eliot in the Morning on DC101 because my satellite radio wasn't getting a signal for awhile (solar storm?), and he told this story about this couple who was asleep and heard this construction like commotion coming from their neighbors-who-happened-to-be-in-laws house. The guy goes over there and there are these four vandals just taking this place apart. Spray painting obscenities, hammering sinks, causing eventually what would be calculated at about 40-50k worth of damage. So the guy manages to get a hammer away from one of them and forces the four of them into the closet, being like I'm going to bash your f-ing skull in - while they wait for the police who were called by the wife (who intelligently stayed her ass at home). The police get there, the guy was like here you go and you're welcome. THE DUDE THEN GETS ARRESTED. Why? Because the four little POS's were 8-10 years old. Apparently theyre allowed to just bring the house down and all you can do is either call their parents or something while you wait. So now this guy is facing jail time and those four little jerks are getting charged with "criminal mischief".
First of all, thats WAY too cool sounding of a crime. Second of all, its BS that this guy was arrested because he unlawfully "held" a minor.
Back to the 'conversation' I was having with my son -
I told him that if he ever, ever, EVER got himself into a mess like that (sans being held hostage and forced to do so), to choose the door with the man and the hammer because I promised that the door with me behind it would be much more scary. I continued to advise that in such an event, he should beg for juvenile detention because my house was going to be soooooooo much worse. I don't believe in child abuse. I'm not really on board with corporeal punishment either, as I do think that there are many alternatives to that type of punishment that don't involve the conflicting lesson of not causing other people pain while causing them pain. I do believe in creative punsihments though. Ones that directly teach someone a lesson regarding the error that they have made.
As a parent, here's what I would have done:
- Picked my kid up from jail (oh I would have made the police take him to jail).
- Gotten some details about the type of damage that he specifically caused.
- Taken him to by flowers and an Im Sorry card that he would hand deliver to the owners of the residence that he thought was his.
- Take him to Home Depot and make him explain to every department clerk necessary what he needed to fix and tools did he need to fix it.
- Depending on what was allowed to be done, I'd take him right back to the house and make him fix what he could.
To me, using every opportunity possible for education is a good thing. There's no fear of physical harm from me, and Sam gets to pick up on some useful skills on how to fix things, and how his Saturdays are now dedicated to paying mom and dad back for the money they had to pay. Thats a financial education too.
Sam - I love you, but if you ever think of pulling something like that....you should consider just how creative I can be.
To give some background....
I was listening to Eliot in the Morning on DC101 because my satellite radio wasn't getting a signal for awhile (solar storm?), and he told this story about this couple who was asleep and heard this construction like commotion coming from their neighbors-who-happened-to-be-in-laws house. The guy goes over there and there are these four vandals just taking this place apart. Spray painting obscenities, hammering sinks, causing eventually what would be calculated at about 40-50k worth of damage. So the guy manages to get a hammer away from one of them and forces the four of them into the closet, being like I'm going to bash your f-ing skull in - while they wait for the police who were called by the wife (who intelligently stayed her ass at home). The police get there, the guy was like here you go and you're welcome. THE DUDE THEN GETS ARRESTED. Why? Because the four little POS's were 8-10 years old. Apparently theyre allowed to just bring the house down and all you can do is either call their parents or something while you wait. So now this guy is facing jail time and those four little jerks are getting charged with "criminal mischief".
First of all, thats WAY too cool sounding of a crime. Second of all, its BS that this guy was arrested because he unlawfully "held" a minor.
Back to the 'conversation' I was having with my son -
I told him that if he ever, ever, EVER got himself into a mess like that (sans being held hostage and forced to do so), to choose the door with the man and the hammer because I promised that the door with me behind it would be much more scary. I continued to advise that in such an event, he should beg for juvenile detention because my house was going to be soooooooo much worse. I don't believe in child abuse. I'm not really on board with corporeal punishment either, as I do think that there are many alternatives to that type of punishment that don't involve the conflicting lesson of not causing other people pain while causing them pain. I do believe in creative punsihments though. Ones that directly teach someone a lesson regarding the error that they have made.
As a parent, here's what I would have done:
- Picked my kid up from jail (oh I would have made the police take him to jail).
- Gotten some details about the type of damage that he specifically caused.
- Taken him to by flowers and an Im Sorry card that he would hand deliver to the owners of the residence that he thought was his.
- Take him to Home Depot and make him explain to every department clerk necessary what he needed to fix and tools did he need to fix it.
- Depending on what was allowed to be done, I'd take him right back to the house and make him fix what he could.
To me, using every opportunity possible for education is a good thing. There's no fear of physical harm from me, and Sam gets to pick up on some useful skills on how to fix things, and how his Saturdays are now dedicated to paying mom and dad back for the money they had to pay. Thats a financial education too.
Sam - I love you, but if you ever think of pulling something like that....you should consider just how creative I can be.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
First, let me explain a few things.....
Sam,
Before I get into all the things that I feel the need to mention to you before you enter this world and as you grow up in it, I should probably explain a few things.
1.) I love your father. He has this amazing ability to drive me insane like no other human being on this planet. The feeling is mutual I'm sure. What concerns me is how much we are alike.
2.) My full time job (before you get here, of course) is as a mental health counselor. Those muffled conversations you are hearing between clients and I are quite odd, I will agree with you there. There will be another post on this later about how opinions I give to my clients are NOT going to be opinions I give to you as your mom.
3.) You were planned, but a surprise. Given your father's exceptional penchant for running late, it seems that you accumulated all of that time and came about 2 years early. We had talked about having kids, both wanted them, around the same number 2-3, etc. If you want a crash course about medication interactions and contraindications, let me know.
4.) You are not a cat. While we have 5 of them, it was really rather unintentional. However your dad and I are suckers when it comes to animals in need and things just sort of played out that way. Likely another post on this later as I feel that there's further explanation needed.
5.) I was so freaking excited to find out that you were a boy. Some of that is because Im petrified of having a girl for various reasons. But another reason is because I get to name you after a great man - my dad and your grandfather (and great grandfather, and great-great grandfather for that matter). He is probably the hardest working SOB I know and if you turn out to have half of his work ethic - you're going to be just fine in life. He's a quiet man, but I think thats from living with my mom, myself, and my sister for many many years. You can gain much more knowledge from listening than you can talking. Remember that.
6.) You've got a various heritage courtesy of your father and I that is bound to leave you quite confused at times. Ancestrally, he's Italian. I however, am Polish, Greek, and a mix from the UK. His family hails from Philadelphia, PA, and mine from New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Virginia. Louisiana is a great state that you will ultimately become quite familiar with as its a second home for me.
7.) The terms, "aunt" and "uncle" apply to siblings of your father and I, but also to lifelong friends that are as close to us as siblings. Your dad is concerned this might be confusing to you, however I think you'll pick up on it pretty quick and Im sure if you have any questions you can just ask. I think it'd be a great problem to have, so many people around you that love you and your parents enough that they get confused with siblings. That's awesome. Who cares if you're not sure who's genetically linked or not. You have people who love you and that's one of life's greatest gifts.
8.) The world is a confusing place. The things people do don't tend to make much sense. Don't get wrapped up in things or people that you can't change - but don't walk around thinking that you can't make some sort of difference either. Not to get all "serenity prayer" on you - but there are battles to pick and battles to watch. True intelligence will guide you to proper identification of each.
9.) If you don't laugh every day, you're wasting your damn time.
10.) I'm new at this, just like you. You promise to do your best, I'll promise to do mine. I'll keep you as informed as I am of things and hopefully as you grow into being a teenager you'll try some semblance of the same. There's never going to be anything that happens that you can't tell me, your dad, maybe Aunt Mel or Uncle Jeff, or Aunt Emily and Uncle Kurt. Especially those last two. They'll likely help you get away with anything. Although I probably shouldn't be telling you that.....
Before I get into all the things that I feel the need to mention to you before you enter this world and as you grow up in it, I should probably explain a few things.
1.) I love your father. He has this amazing ability to drive me insane like no other human being on this planet. The feeling is mutual I'm sure. What concerns me is how much we are alike.
2.) My full time job (before you get here, of course) is as a mental health counselor. Those muffled conversations you are hearing between clients and I are quite odd, I will agree with you there. There will be another post on this later about how opinions I give to my clients are NOT going to be opinions I give to you as your mom.
3.) You were planned, but a surprise. Given your father's exceptional penchant for running late, it seems that you accumulated all of that time and came about 2 years early. We had talked about having kids, both wanted them, around the same number 2-3, etc. If you want a crash course about medication interactions and contraindications, let me know.
4.) You are not a cat. While we have 5 of them, it was really rather unintentional. However your dad and I are suckers when it comes to animals in need and things just sort of played out that way. Likely another post on this later as I feel that there's further explanation needed.
5.) I was so freaking excited to find out that you were a boy. Some of that is because Im petrified of having a girl for various reasons. But another reason is because I get to name you after a great man - my dad and your grandfather (and great grandfather, and great-great grandfather for that matter). He is probably the hardest working SOB I know and if you turn out to have half of his work ethic - you're going to be just fine in life. He's a quiet man, but I think thats from living with my mom, myself, and my sister for many many years. You can gain much more knowledge from listening than you can talking. Remember that.
6.) You've got a various heritage courtesy of your father and I that is bound to leave you quite confused at times. Ancestrally, he's Italian. I however, am Polish, Greek, and a mix from the UK. His family hails from Philadelphia, PA, and mine from New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Virginia. Louisiana is a great state that you will ultimately become quite familiar with as its a second home for me.
7.) The terms, "aunt" and "uncle" apply to siblings of your father and I, but also to lifelong friends that are as close to us as siblings. Your dad is concerned this might be confusing to you, however I think you'll pick up on it pretty quick and Im sure if you have any questions you can just ask. I think it'd be a great problem to have, so many people around you that love you and your parents enough that they get confused with siblings. That's awesome. Who cares if you're not sure who's genetically linked or not. You have people who love you and that's one of life's greatest gifts.
8.) The world is a confusing place. The things people do don't tend to make much sense. Don't get wrapped up in things or people that you can't change - but don't walk around thinking that you can't make some sort of difference either. Not to get all "serenity prayer" on you - but there are battles to pick and battles to watch. True intelligence will guide you to proper identification of each.
9.) If you don't laugh every day, you're wasting your damn time.
10.) I'm new at this, just like you. You promise to do your best, I'll promise to do mine. I'll keep you as informed as I am of things and hopefully as you grow into being a teenager you'll try some semblance of the same. There's never going to be anything that happens that you can't tell me, your dad, maybe Aunt Mel or Uncle Jeff, or Aunt Emily and Uncle Kurt. Especially those last two. They'll likely help you get away with anything. Although I probably shouldn't be telling you that.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)