Mama said.....

My mom always used to say that it wasn't when we were making noise that she got nervous, it was when we were quiet that she became concerned because it indicated some sort of conspiring.  This morning I felt the same way.  You weren't moving around that much and I was like well wtf Sam... But, I've just eaten lunch and judging by your kicks to my bladder, you like Chef Boyardee. 

In the theme of the title I'm going to review some of the things that my parents and grandparents have told me that I feel will be passed down to you for your knowledge....

Credit to: Dziadzia (Jah-Gee) Polish for grandpa.  You would have called him Dziadek (Jah-deck) because thats more formal.

"They all have to take their pants down to take a crap"

Lesson: All humans are created equal despite what some of them will try and have you think.  Just because someone is in a position of authority doesn't mean that they're infallible and can't make mistakes.   This can be taken one of two ways.  The first being just because someone is an authority doesn't mean that they can't be wrong.  Second, everyone makes mistakes so when you're that person of authority, remember that and don't be a jerk to people.  Having a title doesn't exempt you from all of the things that come along with being a human on this earth, including bathroom practices.  While you should show respect for someone for their profession, you certainly don't have to take everything they say at face value either.  I have a feeling this is a moot point and you'll come out of the womb questioning the doctor.
          For an old Polish Catholic Dziadzia was pretty progressive.  He had no judgements towards other people until they did something to warrant his judgement.  And even then, he knew that how he felt was just that, his feelings - no one else's.  This is a good lesson, just because one person or people feel a certain way, doesn't mean you need to. 

Credit to: Mom/Dorothy/Ma/Seriously?.  You will be calling her Babka. (Bob-kuh)

"If you can't say something nice....." (the follow up was "dont say anything at all, but she said it so many freaking times that we checked out by the middle of the sentence).

Lesson: My mom never saw the irony in quoting a movie in which the mother was shot in the opening scene....The lesson here is that there's little point in talking poorly about other people unless you're willing to say it to their face, in which case it can be argued that you are being nice, or at least trying anyway.  Plus, a lot of the times other people will take care of saying the un-nice things so you don't have to.  Better to let them take the heat and be seen as a nice person rather than go around pointing out the truth to everyone and be known as, "that guy".  No one wants to be friends with, "that guy". 
           In this age of electronic communication and pretty much nothing being private (thanks, NSA) never assume anything that you write or say won't be sent out into the internet world beyond.  Actually, its probably best practice to assume that it is, and then be delightfully surprised when/if it isn't.  You're going to want to trust me on this one.  And so help me god Sam, if you get into that lame ass "sexting" or get girls to send you pictures of whatever, there will be hell to pay, son.  See my last post to you if you want to understand how creative I will get in thinking of how to make you learn from that.

Credit to: Dad.  You will be calling him, Pappy. (No pronunciation key needed).

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Lesson: Sometimes what you should have said, was nothing.  My dad, for his many unstated reasons, knew and appreciated the value of saying nothing.  It's not that he was mute or didn't communicate.  The man just has a presence where he doesn't need to use words all the time.  A lot of the times my mom felt the need to fill in for him as some sort of National Geographic narrator, but the man himself saved the spoken word for when he really wanted to be heard.  There's a reason why we have two ears and one mouth.  You should be listening twice as much as you are speaking.  If this is not the case, you talk too much.