On how much you love...

I'm embarrassed that its almost been an entire year since I last posted anything for you. In my defense, its been one hell of a year. That's putting it absurdly lightly, don't you think? Baby Ava joined our ranks, you graduated from daycare, had some hiccups along the way at daycare (more on that later), and had just about anything/everything thrown at us. Aunt Laura passed away in February of 2018 which was pretty sad but expected.  She was pretty sick towards the end but she always asked about you and Lili.  I'm sad that Ava never got the chance to meet her in person. I remember talking to you about her passing away and it made you cry a little bit which kind of surprised me that you were able to understand such a concept and have a feeling about it at your young age. I've come to learn that you've got not only a lot of feelings in your little self, but they're strong and have such depth to them if that makes sense. It's a double edged sword for you right now and I would anticipate it will be for your entire life if you don't keep active tabs on your emotions. Even in the best of circumstances your emotional capacity will be an exhausting element for you to experience. I'm sorry that your dad and I have been under such immense stress and pressure that we haven't always given you the best examples on what to do with your emotions. I've been thinking about that a lot recently and I'm actively trying to get better about how I act and react so I can give you a better example. Plus, letting oneself become so stressed and being preoccupied on negative things isn't a way to live.


I wanted to make sure I mentioned how amazing I think you are with your baby sister. I think in the week leading up to her birthday, you were a ball of nerves and didn't know what you were feeling and/or how to express it. Well, other than biting a few of the people in your class and having some meltdowns. I remember the day your dad brought you and Lili to the hospital to meet Ava. You were so gentle and sweet with her immediately and you never took your eyes off of her. You sang to her (and to date, you still do) when she cries. You run to get her a binkie when she drops it, or anything you think she needs to make her happy again. You sit with her wherever she is and smile at her, talk to her, and radiate this genuine love for her when she smiles back at you and coos to you. I'm telling you this because I don't know how much of it you'll remember being so young yourself but you should know these things about yourself.  They're part of what make you so sweet and kind and loving. That's the positive side of the sword.  The other side is that you are those things because you are a very sensitive soul. That means you can get hurt easily, take offense easily, and have a hair trigger temper in certain situations. Feeling like that is not a pleasant experience at all and I think you're starting to learn that's the case. It's okay though, we're working on it and I think everything is going to be just fine. I hope you keep your sweetness as you grow up - it really is a gift you have that the people around you will value and treasure (if they're worth your company that is). I love you baby boy - xoxo.