On The Tantrum Stage

Sam,
     I understand that you were losing your cool because the apple sauce wasn't as close to you as you wanted it and then it was too close so then it had to go and you spilled it all over the floor.  I understand that this morning wasn't routine so you had a melt down.  I get it.  Truth be told, it happens to me as an adult.  Its a stage your going through where you're learning so much every day and you're just trying to get a handle on things before they change again and when your routine changes its like chaos for you and frankly, I think its reasonable to find chaos upsetting unless its your Pappy's dog Chaos in which case you love her so that's a loveable Chaos.  Especially when you haven't had much time to master riding the wave.  I'm doing my best to be the nurturing caring mommy that you can come to when you're frustrated and upset and need to figure stuff out.  But I also can't be the parent that doesn't let you experience normal frustrations by bubble wrapping your world and shielding you from everything upsetting because then you're not going to have those skills when you're off on your own.  So just FYI, I'm trying to be the understanding mommy that encourages you to figure stuff out for yourself.  Remember that when I epically fail in some way.

- Mom


I'm a complete push over when it comes to my son.  If I didn't know that it would cause him great difficulty later in his life (and mine), I'd do everything physically possible that I could for him to avoid him being upset and keep that oh-so-adorable smile on his beautiful face.  But that'd be a bad parenting move for me I think.  When he loses it, my approach is to get on his level, get next to him so he feels safe (although sometimes he hits me with those little toddler hits and then gives me the 'whuh oh' look gauging my reaction, clear boundary testing), and talk to him in a calm voice so that he can slow his roll and calm down too.  I think his dad sees this as me placating him, but I'm really not.  I'm trying to model what a calm person looks like when he gets upset so that he can associate getting upset with calming down.  Plus I want him to know that he's getting his message across.  I'm pretty sure a lot of my approach comes from working in mental health and having done my internship with kids ages 0-5.  Also, I want him to see that even when he throws a super-fit, all he's going to get from me is unconditional hugs and attempts to make him laugh.  When he's older, sure I'll work with him on being more effective at expressing himself and how some people (ie - not moms) wont react well to someone throwing a tantrum.  But those are lessons for another day for him. 

His sister Lili luckily slept through this morning battle, but that is a fleeting advantage we have and she'll soon become wise to the situation around her.  I don't know what I did or what's to be expected of me later in life but Lili is possibly more smiley than her brother.  Its impossible to be mad at her because she just looks at you with this huge gummy smile that even the worst fatigue at 3:25am can't deny.  Great...